Welcome to Wonderland
by Kirity-Kitty
Summary: Two girls get lost at lunch and end up in Wonderland. How do they cope, by being themselves...their crazy, not-so-logical selves. Rated T for language.


Disclaimer I do not own Alice in Wonderland, its characters or anything that has to do with it. I just decided to make my own version of it with me and a friend.

That and I wrote this last year because my friend and I were very, very, very board and have only found the time to post it now. That's all so~…

!!!Let's get started!!!

* * *

The lunchroom was bustling with students. Two girls had just finished their lunches. One of the girls had a healthy peanut butter sandwich on wheat bread, a sweet and succulent red apple and water. She had medium length brown hair. She wore black sweatpants and an oversized green sweatshirt. She was very mouthy and by that, it meant she was loud and obnoxious. She went by the name Alley.

The other girl, who had just finished a cream cheese bagel, oatmeal pie and chocolate milk, was named Kalushi. This girl had shoulder length blonde hair. She wore a black skirt and a matching shirt with a white coat over it. She was sort of quiet, but she was loud when she wanted to be.

Kalushi and Alley decided to leave the cafeteria because they really didn't like people. They walked down an abandoned hallway at the backend of the school. Even though the hall was abandoned, the screams from the cafeteria carried throughout it. As the girls approached two doors that led outside, Alley stopped. Kalushi stopped directly in front of the door and saw a squirrel sitting on a rock outside. She turned back to Alley who had her Samsung Juke out.

"You're such a freak," Kalushi said with a smile on her lips.

"Yes. Yes, I am," Alley agreed. She stalked up to the door quietly and slowly opened it, hoping that the squirrel didn't notice. It stopped eating its acorn and stared at the phone, then at Alley. Its nose twitched a few times and then it sprinted toward the woods that lie behind the school. "Damn you, you little...rat...thing!" Her voice drifted off by the end as she began to chase down the squirrel.

Kalushi stepped forward and the door smacked her face. She reopened the door and started running. "Alley! What the hell are you doing!?" Kalushi shouted.

"Get back here you bastard!" Alley shouted at the squirrel.

"You really are a freak," Kalushi screeched.

Alley had pursued the little wretch into a miniature cave about five feet wide. The squirrel was gone and Alley stopped before falling into a hole.

Kalushi appeared behind her and peered into the hole. "Looks pretty~ deep," she said calmly.

"Maybe," Alley said. She quickly pushed Kalushi into the hole. Kalushi screamed wildly as she fell. Alley's small smile faded when her friend stopped screaming. _Uh-oh, I hope she's not dead, _she thought.

Kalushi stood up at the bottom of the hole. To both of the girl's surprise the hole was only a foot deep. _How anticlimactic, _Alley thought.

"YOU BITCH!" Kalushi said, anger in her tone (A/N: obviously).

"Yeah, yeah. You would have done the same to me." Alley jumped into the hole to stand by her friend. The ground fell apart under their combined weight and the girls slid down a dirt tunnel. Both girls had their eyes closed and nothing but screams of fear escaped their mouths.

The girls opened their eyes and to their discomfort were staring at a bright and colorful room. The wall to the left was neon green. The wall to the right was hot pink. The ceiling was a nauseating yellow. The floor was a luminescent white. The wall directly in front of them was an obnoxious blue.

"Damn lights," the two girls muttered together. After a few minutes their eyes adjusted and they looked around the room. The girls walked up to the pink wall.

"Are those...hot pink sticky notes," Kalushi questioned.

"Yep. And look closer."

Kalushi squinted and noticed hot pink writing. "Hot pink writing, on hot pink sticky notes, on a hot pink wall..." Kalushi sighed.

"Listen to this," Alley called. "Adults are just kids in debt."

"So true," Kalushi said. "A real job is a job you hate. My dad says that, too."

"This one is my favorite. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck."

"Here's my favorite. If you can't convince them, confuse them."

"That matches you perfectly Kalushi."

"Doesn't it though." She turned to the blue wall and noticed a small door. "Ne, Alley?"

"Huh?" Alley said absent-mindedly.

"Was that door there a minute ago?" She pointed at the brown mass sitting in the middle of the blue wall.

"No~," she had her mouth in an O shape.

Kalushi squatted down in front of it and twisted the knob.

"Ahhh," it cried.

Alley turned to see Kalushi lying on her back, eyes wide with surprise.

"Did that door just-" Kalushi was sent into shock.

"That door just screamed!" Alley answered bluntly. "...cool."

"Yes. I can talk. That really hurt." The door knob rolled around in a circle. "Every time a human comes here, my nose always gets hurt. Humans are cruel creatures."

"Yeah. We are," Alley said while helping her friend to her feet. "Hey, wanna open up for us?"

"Sorry, you're too big to fit through me." It laughed.

"That is not what I asked." Alley replied firmly. Kalushi just kept staring at the talking door.

"Well, I could, but that won't change the fact that you're too bi-"

"Yeah, yeah. We need to drink that weird drink and then we'll find out that you're locked, then we'll eat a cookie...or two, and we will grow too large, blah, blah, blah. I've seen Alice in Wonderland. And the only way out isn't back the way we came." She pointed to the steep incline she and Kalushi had fallen through. "So just toss the magic glass table, give us the key and the drink and we can be on our merry little way."

"Well, you're a happy little child aren't you?" And as he said that, the magic glass table appeared with the key and the drink.

"Aren't I though?" She punched her friend on the back of the head and put the key into the doorknob. The door opened and tried to say something, but the key was muffling everything he said.

"Why the hell did you punch me?"

"Oh! Welcome back to reality. Want a drink?"

"Sure!" _I am thirsty_, Kalushi thought. She took a sip and grew, or shrank down to an inch tall.

Alley sighed and drank the rest of what was in the bottle. "Great. Now I'm even shorter than before." She sighed again. "Shall we go?"

Kalushi nodded.

They walked onto some weird pier. And saw a boat and nothing but black ocean.

Kalushi shook her head. "Global Warming sucks, huh?"

"Oh yeah. Global Warming is totally what did this. It couldn't be that factory over there dumping toxic waste into this place."

"Nope. The water would be green if it was." Kalushi gave a cat-like smile. The one usually represented by a 'w' in texts.

Alley patted Kalushi on the head. "Of course it would."

The girls took the boat, since no one was around to tell them 'hey, don't take that boat'. The boat had a glass bottom and as Alley and Kalushi flew across the water they saw some pretty freaky things. First they saw a bunch of lobsters swimming in line with one another heading the same direction as they were. Then they saw a fat ass seagull...thing on a toucan brining pushed by a green parrot. The last thing they saw was a little tinnie tiny shark, smaller than their pinkies under the boat.

"Kya!" Kalushi screamed.

"It's not that scary...but you are."

Kalushi had a huge smile on her face. The kind a SasuNaru fangirl has when reading a finfic about them. Like Alley said, scary! "It's so cute! I know! I will call you squishy and you will be my little squishy. Hello, little squishy."

Alley made the boat move faster and the shark went out of sight.

"Hey," Kalushi yelled. "Bring squishy back!"

"You can see squishy some other time. We kinda have school to get back to."

Kalushi agreed, but began to pout.

Lucky for Alley, they were already at the shore. There were a bunch of animals running around a rock with which the fat ass seagull was standing on and singing next to a fire.

"I don't even want to know." Alley said.

"Do we have to go that way?"

Alley was looking around for a path when she saw it. "Evil bastard squirrel," she screamed.

Kalushi turned just in time to see the squirrel and Alley run down a dirt path. The path however...was pink. "Why can't we have a yellow brick road?" Kalushi said to god.

Alley soon lost sight of the squirrel and stopped and waited for Kalushi. They were in a forest. "Crap. Where do we go now?"

Kalushi looked concerned. "What do you mean? Don't you know the rule of thumb for when you are lost? Stay put."

"Okay. You do that and tell me how it goes." She stepped over a tree that fell.

"Don't leave me here alone!"

"Then come with-"

"Rule of thumb!"

"Your rule of thumb can kiss my ass. I'm leaving. I must find that evil squirrel," she added in a quieter tone.

A set of twins stood in front of Alley. She almost bumped into them. "Hello...uh, guys?"

"Ello, love." They said together.

"What are you British?"

"Yes." One answered.

"Do you have a problem with that, little missy?" The other added.

"Not in the least." Kalushi replied for her friend. "What're your names?"

"Tis impolite to ask for someone else's name without giving your own first."

"Very, rude ya see."

"Right." _These guys are insane...I...have a brilliant idea_, Alley smiled. "But, are you not asking for our names right now, when you haven't given us yours?"

Kalushi stared at her friend for a moment and snickered quietly to herself. _I see what you're going to do. You're such a kind person, Alley_.

"Well...I...That is not..."

"Later dudes," Kalushi said as she followed Alley out of the forest down a small cobblestone walkway. As they walked down the path, they saw a white rabbit wearing a suit shaking.

"What's up doc?" Alley said. This moment was way to perfect for her to say that so it just came out, but she mentally cursed herself.

"A monster!" It said in a raspy voice. "There's a giant monster in my house!"

"I'm not a monster! My name is Alice."

"Hey, Kalushi, do you have your sewing kit with you?"

"I don't have a sewing kit."

"Then how are we gonna pop her?"

"What?! Pop me. Oh no. Please do not do that!"

Alley looked at the fence and saw a toothpick sized splinter hanging off of one of the planks. "I highly doubt this will be effective, but-" She pulled the toothpick off the fence and poked Alice's foot with it. Nothing happened. "Yeah, I didn't think that-"

"KYAAAA!"

"Kalushi! What are you doing?"

Kalushi had taken up a spike from the fence and stabbed it into Alice's foot and poof. She popped like a balloon. "Yeah, cartoon violence!" She said gleefully.

"Thank you for killing that horrible monster." The rabbit checked his watch. "Oh my. I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time to say hello, good-bye." The rabbit left in a fury of steps. Then he came back. "A carrot for you and a carrot for you," he said as he handed each of the girls a carrot from his garden. "No time to say good-bye, hello!" He ran off in another fury of steps.

"Well, that was interesting," Kalushi said after taking a bite of her carrot.

"At least he gave us a good vegetable to eat." Alley ate the carrot quickly in a couple of bites.

**Alley: Hi kids. It's your good friends Alley and Kalushi here.**

**Kalushi: We just want to tell you to eat your vegetables, because if you don't...if you don't...**

**Alley: You'll probably end up like Alice. Popped like a balloon, which is not fun.**

**Kalushi: So we urge you...**

**Both: Eat your veggies and read fanfics...and review them.**

**Alley: Now back to the program.**

The girls walked toward a flower garden and by the time they reached it, they realized they had been shrinking. "Now I'm even shorter than before...that's just great."

"Don't worry Alley. Your still taller than me."

"Yeah, but only by a few millimeters. That's like nothing!" Alley slumped down onto a flower and it barked at her.

"What...just happened, Alley?"

"I think that flower just barked at me. I should bark back." Alley began to bark at the flower. It almost too suddenly came to life and scared Alley off her feet.

"Sorry about that, dear. He doesn't see new flowers much."

"Yeah...um, we're not-"

Kalushi was cut off by another flower saying, "You should keep him under control. Flowers should be dignified, like violets. I know, let's sing a song."

"Let's sing Tell it to the Tulips."

"Not that old thing."

"Let's do Lovely Lily."

A rose stopped the other flowers and said, "Girls, girls." her voice was calm. "We shall sing Golden Afternoon."

"No, that's okay-" Alley started.

"We should really be going now," Kalushi finished.

It was too late. They were already singing..

'_**Little bread and butterflies kiss the tulips,'**_

"Nooooo! Make it stop!" Both girls screamed. They made a quick retreat out of the flower beds and wandered toward a voice and smoke.

They stood on a mushroom giggling at a caterpillar. Alley muttered, "He's smoking a huka." Both of the girls laughed which brought them to the attention of the caterpillar.

"Who are you?" He asked. As he spoke letters formed from the smoke.

"Shouldn't you tell is who you are first," Kalushi asked back.

"Why?" A yellow colored 'Y' shaped cloud came out of his mouth.

"Whatever," Alley said. "Let's go." Kalushi nodded.

"Recite," the caterpillar said.

"Wha?" The girls said.

"Recite," he repeated.

The girls had no clue what he was talking about. Alley responded after a second or two with, "A,B,C,D,E-"

"That is not done correctly. Recite." This time the caterpillar was stern, with anger raising in his tone.

Kalushi and Alley looked at each other, then nodded and sang the Japanese alphabet, "A, I, U, E, O! KA, KI, KU-"

"No!" The caterpillar puffed furiously on his huka, turning red.

"Uh oh," the girls muttered. They hid behind a mushroom and watched the caterpillar turn to smoke and disappear.

The smoke cleared and the only thing that was left were three sets of gloves and shoes and a caterpillar cloak.

Alley looked at the objects with interest.

The caterpillar reappeared and began talking to Kalushi, as a butterfly. "By the way, I have a helpful hint. One side will make you grow taller; the other will make you grow shorter."

"One side of what?"

"The mushroom, you twit." He called as he flew away.

"Jeez. He's an angry bastard. Hey, Alley-" Kalushi stared at Alley. "What...are...you doing?"

Alley was wearing the caterpillar's shoes. "What? They look cool, kinda like genie shoes, and they fit. Plus, they're cheap."

"You're stealing his shoes?" Kalushi said questionably.

"He doesn't need them. He has no feet." Alley hopped off the mushroom. "What did he say, anyway?"

"One side of the mushroom will make you taller; the other will make you smaller."

"Sounds like fun," Alley said sarcastically. She calmly took a taste of the mushroom. "Yuck! I hate mushrooms." Alley instantly grew to her normal size. "That was interesting."

Kalushi took a lick of the same side and she grew to her normal size as well. "That felt weird."

They walked further still into the forest. You could barely hear it, but something was singing.

"Do you hear that, Alley?" Both girls were looking around.

"Lose something girls?" The same voice that was singing asked.

The girls looked up to a tree and saw teeth, set in a perfect smile.

Eyes dropped down out of nowhere and his body slowly began to appear. "Hello, girls."

"Hey! You're the Cheshire Cat!" Kalushi squealed.

"Actually," he paused for a moment. "It is politically incorrect, to call me the Cheshire Cat." He emphasized the 'me' and 'cat'.

"Fine. Then I will call you the Chess Shier Cat!

"What's the difference?" Kalushi asked.

"The spelling." Alley said simply.

"But your spelling sucks."

"Exactly!"

"Very well then. I shall be the Chess Shier Cat, now"

"Awesome," Alley said.

"By the way, he went that way." He pointed behind him as his eyes tick-tocked back and forth like a clock.

"The squirrel bastard," Alley said in shock.

"No, the white rabbit. You're looking for the squirrel, hm... You should ask the March Hare, or maybe the Mad Hatter, who lives in that direction." He pointed toward a sign that was near a path, but looked the opposite way.

"Thanks, Chess Shier Cat." Alley smiled and skipped along the road, dragging Kalushi with her.

"Later, Chess Shier Cat," Kalushi said.

"Have fun girls." The cat began singing again and disappeared piece by piece, bit by bit.

The girls soon found themselves at the Mad Hater's residence. They went through the gate and walked to the side of the house where there was a big commotion.

The teapots were jumping up and down creating a catchy tune to which the March Hare and the Mad Hatter were singing.

The March Hare sang, "A~ very very unbirthday too me!"

"To who?"

"To me!"

"Oh you!"

"MISTER MAD HATER!!!" The girls shouted at the...boys? The teapots went dead still.

"Did we interrupt you're party?" Kalushi said blatantly.

"Yes, you did." The Mad Hatter said.

"We're celebrating our unbirthdays."

"Oh, I guess I should leave then." Alley said.

"And why is that my dear?"

"Today is my birthday!" Alley smiled. "Bye," she added quickly. She left and said, "Come on Kalushi, say it and let's go!"

"You know me all too well, Alley."

The Hare scratched his head with his ear, "What do you want to say?"

She said something barely audible.

"What was that?"

Kalushi grinned an evil, toothy grin and shouted, "CAT!"

A mouse shot out of one of the teapots and ran amok on the table freaking out about a cat.

Kalushi ran to catch up with Alley who doubled over laughing at the scene. Alley followed Kalushi in the forest this time until she stopped.

"What's up?" Alley asked, still smiling about the cat thing.

Kalushi turned around and said, "I think we're lost."

"Oh-That's not good," Alley said. Both girls frowned and sat on the ground. They heard singing again. _What is it with this place and singing,_ they thought.

"It's the Chess Shier Cat." Kalushi pointed to a tree in which he was slowly beginning to appear.

"Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, or perhaps the squirrel?"

"Actually, we're on our way back to school, now," Alley sighed.

Kalushi looked at her friend, hands clasped together and sparkles in her eyes. "Do you mean it? Are we really leaving?"

"We've had our fun, plus, detentions are boring. So, Mr. Chess Shier Cat, do you know how we can find our way home?"

"That's impossible girls."

"Huh? How so?" Kalushi said.

"You see, you girls have no way. All ways the queen's way." His voice changed when he said 'queen's way', which almost made the girls laugh.

"So where is this queen," Kalushi asked mocking the tone the cat used.

"Some go this way," he said while he walked in place facing the left. "Some people go that way," he said with the same movement, but to the right this time. "As for me, I prefer the short cut." he pulled a branch to reveal a door in the tree.

"Thank you, Chess Shier Cat," The girls sang, but the cat was gone.

"To the queen," Kalushi said as she pulled Alley though.

They were in some sort of rose garden. Three cards were painting some roses red while they sang, '_**we're painting the roses red**_ '.

"What are you doing?" The girls asked.

"We accidentally planted white roses instead of red ones." Said the three of clubs.

"So now we are painting the roses red," added the Ace.

"Because we don't want to lose our heads." The two wanted the final word.

"I guess we shouldn't tell anybody about this, then...right Alley?"

"Yeah, sure," she agreed.

The girls continued to walk to the castle. On their way, they saw the queen.

"Miss Queen of hearts," Alley said. She ran toward the queen with Kalushi right behind her.

"Who's that?" She said.

The girls began to snicker quietly because she sounded exactly like the Chess Shier Cat.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Nothing," the girls said.

"I'm Alley, and this is Kalushi," The girls curtsied (A/N: Didn't see that coming). "Are you heading out to your garden?"

"You don't want to go there," Kalushi added.

"Why?"

The girls smiled evil smiles and said "The Ace, Two and Three of clubs are painting the roses red."

"What?! Guards! Off with their heads!" The guards went off into the garden. "Thank for helping me girls. Now what do you want?"

"We want a way home."

The queen lost her temper, as she is one to do. "All ways are my ways!"

"Yes," Kalushi said. "But-"

"We need you to make us a pretty little way home...or it can be dark and desolate, I don't care."

"All ways are my ways!" She screamed.

_What is wrong with this old bag, _Alley thought.

"Yes. Make your way…uh, to our home," Kalushi tried to explain.

"All ways are my ways, all ways are my ways," the queen cried.

"We understand that," Karushi said as her temper began to flare.

"No! We are so done here," Alley interrupted. She dragged Kalushi away from the queen.

"What are you doing," Kalushi whispered. "How are we going to find our way home?"

"We're not," Alley said with an evil smirk.

Kalushi gave her friend a confused and concerned look. "But…what about school?"

"Don't worry. We'll get home soon," Alley reassured her.

"But you just said…"

"Look…You've seen the movie for this place right?"

"Yeah, but Alice was just dreaming…We're here for real."

"That's not the point Kalushi. How did Alice find out where to go?"

"She cried and the Chess Shier Cat came…I am not crying!"

Alley smacked Karushi on the back of the head. "Not that. She just randomly walked until she found a path or sign, then she followed it. Completely illogical."

"So?"

"Would you say that we are random?"

"Most of the time?"

"And can we be illogical?"

"When we want?"

Alley perked up when she saw a sign. "And what does that sign say over there?"

Kalushi looked up ahead and there it was. A sign that said, home. "I love you Alley," Karushi screamed and practically cried.

"I know. Lots of people love me."

The girls ran up the path and the trees went from their pink and blue colors to green and light shades of fall colors. Every tree became a maple leaf or evergreen tree. The girls saw their ugly school and knew that they were back.

Kalushi basically kissed the school when she saw it. "We're back, we're really back!"

Alley just basked in the glory of being right. "Kalushi, we better get to class. Who knows what will happen if we're late?"

The girls arrived in their fourth period class, art. The teacher watched them walk into class quietly and began to make a scene. "You two are late!"

"This is only our first time; can't you let us off the hook?"

"Well, I would, but-" The school bell interrupted her and the girls froze in place. Class was over and they missed it all.

"So~," the girls said.

"Instead of giving you detention, since you are both good students, I want you to help the Drama Club set up for the rest of the year."

_Did she say, the rest of the year?!, _Alley thought.

"This isn't going to go on our permanent record will it?"

"Of course it will…as community service."

God, I love our teacher, Kalushi thought. "Thank you!"

* * *

That's it. That's the end. The end was a little boring in my opinion, but I liked the wonderland stuff…it was fun!


End file.
